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By Chris Jensen

The family and its honour held the highest place and the marriages of both the boys and the girls were fixed by the elders of the family according to the status of the family. There was no question of the youngsters giving their views and quite often marriages were fixed even before the children reached their teens.

My mother, who was fortunate enough to be born in a rich family in the capital of India, could be educated till class 8th. Her parents were kind and intelligent and all the girls of the family too were sent to
schools along with the boys. Of course there were separate schools for girls and while traveling to school the cart carrying the girls was well covered so no one would get a glimpse of them.

But as per the custom my mother’’s marriage was fixed in her childhood and she was not able to study further as the in-laws decided that the marriage should be performed now. She was extremely intelligent, a
gold medalist and the English ladies, who were the teachers at her school all felt very sorry that she had to leave her studies.

Relating all this about my mother because it’’s important to tell how the attitude to marriage was in those days. A girl in India if put under such circumstances today would be a very frustrated person, but my mother had that bringing up that she took to her duty of getting married very calmly and joyously. She left the bigger city Delhi and moved to my fathers city of Dholpur, where she spent the next 25 years of her life.

She brought us all eleven brothers and sisters in this world and gave us so much love and care that we are all happily settled in our lives. We never saw her frustrated and perhaps that is the reason we also learnt to accept what comes. The french song Que-sere sera - whatever will be, will be, always reminds me of her smiling face.

Drifting from the topic, but mothers are mothers and when they are gone, they become the most treasured memory one can have. To come back to the marriage and dating scenario, according to the Hindu way of life marriage is a duty for everyone and the time to be spend being fully involved in the pleasures and pains of the mundane living is from the age of 25 years to 50 years.

This is the second stage of life which has four stages to be passed through wherin we do all the needful for this world and the next world too. This attitude to marriage has one very major difference from the western concept.

Here marriage is:

1. Not for your own or the individuals happiness alone, but a reason for celebration for all the members who are joined by love and affection.

2. It is not the be all and end all in life, but a part of our journey through life.

3. The expectations are limited and the desire to settle and be happy and let others be happy is strong.

4.marriage is sacred ,a pious knot tied between two individuals for procreation and the keeping of family name and prestige.

I am reminded of the novel Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin and cannot but see that in the times which she has depicted marriages were very much the concern of the families in those societies too. So essentially east or west marriages were to fulfill some purpose which seems to be getting lost in the me and mine pursuit of mundane pleasures alone.

Appreciate the factor of compatibility of partners which is much discussed to day, also the factor of equality amongst partners, which is also fair, but only to the extent that we do not forget that nature has made some basic differences which can never be removed, and hence need to be respected.

To conclude would only like to say that this is one topic which affects each life deeply and so It is my sincere wish that the partners to be give the maximum thought to the new life that they may bring into this world and take great care to create a happy,congenial environment.

About The Author

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By Terry Leslie

The biggest problem you have in finding dates, dealing with women, and being successful in your opposite sex endeavors is you. Your negative associations and your negative ideas about how well you don”t deal with women is holding you back from really moving forward. If you want to be more successful with the ladies, then you really need to engage in a junk dumping session.

Junk dumping refers to clearing your mind of everything you”ve been told about dealing with women. It means getting rid of the issues that you carry with you and finding a new sense of confidence and freedom. It also means alleviating yourself of the misconceptions and prejudices you have regarding women, their wants, and their needs. They really aren”t so scary, so dig into your junk and start dumping.

The first junk you need to dump is your impression that you don”t deserve a highly attractive, capable, and incredible woman. Somewhere along the line we all assigned ourselves a “league” that we believe we can”t ever disengage from. If you enjoy self limiting thought, then stick with that. Otherwise, you may as well just hang up your shoes and make best friends with your Playstation.

Women are not impossible. Remove that thought from your head. In fact, if you are willing to be straight up with women and deal with them on a basically honest and interested level, they are going to be more responsive to you.

Do not continue to believe that if you strike out with a woman that it is a reflection upon you, because it isn”t. If she isn”t interested in you, you haven”t lost anything. Men seem to hang their entire self evolving image on whether a beautiful woman will talk to them or just pass over them. If she isn”t interested, then she isn”t worth your time. It is not a reflection upon you but a reflection upon her own inability to be comfortable enough with herself. Her judgments are her own. Don”t take them on as your reality.

Dump the idea that you have to be perfect and totally smooth all the time. Women, who often truly are attracted to smooth and cool guys, aren”t so unforgiving that you”re not allowed a mistake or two. It’’s all in the recovery. If you laugh at yourself, you are being attractive to her. If you go into a deep depression, you”re more likely to get a free dose of Prozac than a date.

When you are dealing with yourself, deal honestly. Take all that garbage that your parents, teachers, siblings, old girlfriends, and your boss have rammed down your throat and give those people their misguided opinions right back to them. The instant that you determine that someone else is right about who you are, then you have given up the greatest resource you have.

The way we perceive ourselves has a direct impact on how successful or unsuccessful we are when it comes to women. If we believe we are awkward, and are not manly or strong enough to attract a beautiful woman, then we won”t. If we believe we have potential and that we are actually a pretty good guy with a lot to offer, then we will react accordingly when we come face to face with a highly attractive woman.

The truth of the matter is that what we convince ourselves is true impact everything we do in this life. When we believe we aren”t deserving or that we aren”t capable or good enough, then we a re drawn toward dead end jobs, women that don”t appreciate and value us, and friends that don”t really offer much to the relationship. After all, we are telling everyone through our actions that we don”t need much and we don”t value ourselves. By digging into your psyche and dumping the junk that was given to you over the years, you start to become refreshed, energized, and much more successful. It is most definitely worth the time investment to come out ahead and with a much better perception of who we are and what we are really worth.

About The Author

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